i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
