weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
