The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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