Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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