If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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