Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
