I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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