When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
