Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
