U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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