awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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