What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
