I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
