Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dicks are not precious.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize