Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
