Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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