i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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