Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so let's talk penis.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
