I cockslap morals
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
