I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
