You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
