Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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