that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
