I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
