I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dear god my vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
