erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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