remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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