If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
