the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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