you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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