mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
