If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
