i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
