I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
