he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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