I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
