Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
