hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
