nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
