we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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