I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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