So drunk its hurt
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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