I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
