Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
