I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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