So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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