He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
