Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
