Swine flu. Run for my life!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
this will be a night to untag.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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