She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
