Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
