I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
