it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
