I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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