He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
