I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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