We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
