Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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