there's paper in my vomit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
