Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Holy sore nipples Batman
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
