you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
