I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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