No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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