you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
