guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
