This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
