I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
