9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
